Miscarriage

Well, just a quick update. At 7 weeks along, I had another u/s and baby girl actually had a heart beat. We were all shocked and amazed and nobody could explain it (since my betas were dropping and my baby was measuring a week behind). But we did another u/s at 8 weeks and baby hadn't grown at all (so by then she was 2 weeks behind) and her heart had stopped beating. So that settles that. I am just waiting now to start the actual miscarriage. We are giving it time to see if it will happen naturally and in 2 weeks or so we will consider inducing the miscarriage with meds (whatever they are).

Of course I'm devastated. I was actually prepared to hear that she was "gone" at the 7 week u/s, but when I heard she had a HB, I didn't care that she measured "off"... I regained all of my hope and prayed and prayed but it wasn't enough. She just wasn't strong enough.

I'm not sure where to go from here. We are planning a few vacations to start creating some happy memories to counteract all of the bad we've formed recently. Hopefully it helps with the emotional pain. I've been reading books a lot to get my mind off of things, but the pain is always there. There are reminders everywhere and I cannot stop thinking about my angel baby girl.

Oh well, I know that when I finally have another baby (whether boy or girl) I will not wish things had gone any differently. I'll fall instantly in love with him or her and know that he/she was MEANT to be MY baby. So it's OK.

Not sure what we're going to in regards to IVF changes. Dr. T wants to stick with the same protocol and not change anything. No new testing or anything. I'm not sure I'm OK with this... I can't accept that we aren't going to change ANYTHING. To me, saying we're going to do the exact same thing makes me think that we will have the EXACT same results (either a BFN or another miscarriage). I want a chance. I want to test my body for reasons why this could have happened. I have considered consulting with Dr. Braverman in NYC who is a reproductive immunologist. He claims to have many tests and treatments for women with recurring pregnancy loss. I'm not sure I can justify the cost though. And Dr. Toledo doesn't even believe in immune testing/ treatment. He says that the "literature doesn't support it". Maybe that's true but I feel like I've got to do SOMETHING. I want a baby so badly and I cannot stand to go through another miscarriage again.

So we'll see. Right now there is nothing to do but sit and wait for the miscarriage to begin. Then we will move forward.