FET #4

Well, I haven't been very good at keeping this blog up-to-date lately... but I have a good update finally!

So I started my 4th FET protocol on January 31st. I had finally finished my LONG and miserable 3 months of Lupron Depot treatment and I was ready to cycle again! Well, everything was going well at first with my cycle. All my meds were going well and I was feeling great. Unfortunately, the same day I got the great news that my lining was 10mm (the best I've ever gotten), I found out that my TSH was 5.4! They typically like it to be between 1 and 2 for a transfer. Well, Dr. T found this out and wanted to cancel the FET until my TSH got below 3. I of course freaked out and spent the rest of the day in bed crying! Then I had an epiphany! I wanted to ask Dr. B (my miscarriage specialist) his opinion! So I emailed him the details and shortly after he responded! He told me that while TSH plays an integral role in egg development, his research hasn't proven that it holds much weight with an FET. So that was all I needed to hear! I told this to Dr. T and he was fine with us moving forward with the FET based on Dr. B's recommendations.

So I FINALLY got to have my transfer on Tuesday February 19th at 11:45am. We put back 2 female embryos. I had my acupuncture before and after and made sure to eat my cayenne coated egg mcmuffin and eat my pineapple core 5 days thereafter. The days moved very slowly after that and I started to get discouraged. By Monday (6dp5dt) I had myself convinced that nothing had stuck and I was devastated! After all that work and putting back 2 instead of 1 I was so upset! I held out until the next morning, 7dp5dt, and to my HUGE surprise... I got a BFP! It was by far the biggest shock I've gotten in a loooong time!

Now of course... we have been here before... twice... and things didn't turn out so great... But after all that Lupron I went through to fix my uterus, I am hoping and praying that we have a better outcome this time! I am just trying to live 1 day at a time and try to be happy I've made it this far! My first beta will be Thursday (9dp5dt)... I am praying I hear a good number!!!

Here are my BFPs I from this morning: (Kinda hard to see, but my digi says "pregnant"! lol)

UPDATE: My first beta was Thursday 2/28 and results were:
bHCG: 197
E2: 245
P4: 16.5

My second beta was Monday 3/4 and results were:
bHCG: 2047
E2: 526
P4: 24

Tomorrow I go for my 3rd and final beta! I am extremely nervous b/c this is where things started to go downhill last time. So I am just hoping and praying for some more good news... I'll update soon.

Life on Lupron

So since I can never find any information from women who have done the Lupron Depot treatment... I have decided to create a blog post just about my experience on Lupron Depot. Maybe it will answer a question of the next woman recommended this treatment...

So I was recommended 3 months of Lupron Depot + 3 weeks double antibiotic treatment for my abnormal Endometrial Function Test.

To order the Lupron Depot I had to go through 2 different specialty pharmacies. The one my RE's office recommended was not covered by my insurance so my prescription was moved to Acredo (spl?). It cost me $60 copay and insurance covered the rest. It arrived overnight and was in a box with ice-pack but only needed to be stored at room temperature. It is a pre-filled syringe with 2 "compartments". One was the powdered medicine and the other had the liquid diluent.

In order to allow my OB/GYN to perform the injections I had to have basically my entire IVF history faxed to their office and my OB/GYN had to sign her approval.

I had my first Lupron injection on Monday Nov 5, 2012. The shot itself didn't hurt very badly and it didn't really burn either. I didn't notice any soreness even days after.

A week went by where I felt no side effects. The only thing I can say is that my cervical mucus became very thing and abundant- almost like I was ovulating. I was surprised b/c my RE had warned me that I would "go through menopause" and my CM would dry up. So to be having the opposite was shocking. But after researching it I found out that for 1-2 weeks after your first shot your estrogen levels actually go UP before they bottom out. So I was experiencing the "high" for a week.

About 6 days after my first shot I started having weird spotting. It was very light- I didn't even need a panty liner-- and almost "stringy". It continued like that for 2-3 days before the spotting got heavier. Then it turned into a weird "semi-period" I guess. It wasn't heavy or thick, but thin, sometimes dark brown, sometimes deep red, and stringy. I emailed my nurse b/c I confused-- nobody said I would get a period. She said some spotting and bleeding was normal but to email if I had a real period. The next day it was definitely heavier so I emailed again and said that it was definitely a period. She basically just "made note of it on my chart" but didn't do anything.

As of today it has been 2 weeks and 1 day since my first shot and I am finally noticing the bleeding going away. Today is the first day that I barely needed a panty liner. So I guess the "period" and spotting are almost gone.

Other than bleeding, I haven't had "horrible" side effects. I definitely get headaches, but I knew I would since I got them even during my IVF cycles that used Lupron. They haven't been worse or better than my other Lupron headaches, but very annoying. It is hard to say whether or not I have experienced hot flashes (which are supposedly the most common side effect). I caught a virus this week and have had laryngitis for the past few days. So I haven't been feeling well at all but cannot blame the Lupron as I am sick, too. So maybe once this virus goes away I'll be able to tell what IS the Lupron. But as of now I would only say I've have bleeding, headaches, and moodiness. I am more emotional and I like to say "fragile". By that I mean that even the smallest things make me "snap" and "lose my cool". I have way less patience with my son and misbehavior but I am learning to make an effort and be more patient. It is very hard. Today was the first day I cried but I have a feeling it won't be the last. The emotional distress is getting harder and harder to bear. Maybe once I'm healthy I'll feel a little better. We shall see. I'll post as I experience more and more of what Lupron Depot has in store for me.

IVF on Hold...

Well, after my 3rd failure (well, 1st chemical after a miscarriage and a BFN)... we decided more testing was in order to discover why I am not staying pregnant. As recommended by both my RE and my RI I had an endometrial biopsy sent to Yale for an Endometrial Function Test. I received my results and they are not good. The test results were abnormal.

Basically it could mean 1 of a few things. Either BMI issue (not likely since I am at a healthy BMI), stress (who ISN'T stressed... no real treatment if this is the case), hydrosalpinx (hasn't been seen on any of my ultrasounds to date, so probably not the cause), or endometriosis or endometritis (scarring or inflammation of the uterine lining). Since the last 2 are the only real plausible and treatable causes my RE/RI decided that I need to start treatment for both asap.

The combined treatments are as follows: 3 months of Depo-Lupron (Lupron Depot) followed by 3 weeks of multi-antibiotic therapy. Then a natural period with a repeat endometrial function test to confirm that the treatment fixed the problem. HOPEFULLY if all goes well we will then proceed with a NATURAL FET after that.

Sooo we are looking at a 4-6 month wait before our next FET. Not to mention 3 months of misery on the Depo-Lupron (it puts you into artificial menopause... so hot flashes, night sweats, decreased libido, mood swings, etc...). So please say a prayer that I (and my family) survive the next 3 months in 1 piece.

I can't wait to post again about my next FET... hopefully it'll be a success after all this work.

Pink FET #3

First Update 6/20/12:
I start Lupron on June 27th (1 week from today!) and I also have an endometrial biopsy the same day with my local OB/GYN. Then the rundown goes something like this...

After Lupron I wait for my natural period to start (in my case it is usually 2 weeks after starting the Lupron), then around CD 1 I start the Estrace and gradually increase the dose. Also on CD 1 I start Lovenox & Baby Aspirin (ASA). 5 days prior to FET (CD 15) I start PIO injections, Medrol, & Doxy. Then on CD 20 I get my transfer!!! My best guess based on previous FET timing will be that the FET will be around August 6th. Of course I would absolutely LOVE IT if it were earlier than that, but this is  my guesstimation.

Here's hoping that third times a charm! I really really really want it to work this time! I've always wanted an April baby and that is when my due date would fall if it works this time around!!! Fingers mega crossed!!! =)

Update 6/25/12:
Can time possibly move any slower??? I am SO ready for this FET!!! I start Lupron on Wednesday (6/27) and I also have an endometrial biopsy that day as well! FX this is THE cycle for us!!! =)

Update 6/27/12:
So today was a big day in the early phase of this FET! I started my Lupron this morning (YAY!). I also had my endometrial biopsy (which I forgot how uncomfortable that was). And lastly, I got a +OPK! So that means I am about 2 weeks away from my next period starting, and thus, the real "thick" of this FET. If things keep going well... I may be looking at a transfer more around August 1st or 2nd instead of the 6th or 7th. Here's hoping!!! Every little bit counts! I'm SO ready to get my baby girl in there! And praying SO much that she sticks!

Update 7/13/12:
So I FINALLY started my period today (I was truly beginning to think would never happen!) which means we finally have an official transfer date! I start my Estrace, baby ASA, and Lovenox tomorrow, and my transfer will be on August 2nd! I will find out what time the night before. So... WOO HOO! Less than 3 weeks now!!!

Update 7/23/12:
I had my lining check today and it was at 8mm and there were only small cysts on my ovaries (which is good considering I have PCOS ovaries and sometimes the cysts grow to 20, 30mm). It was the longest DA of my life! 3.5 hours waiting!!! Long story short, they call it "Decision Day" there and they have it once a month and it is super crowded...remind me to ask next time I schedule an appointment if it is "Decision Day" so I can avoid it! Erg! I have been working on arranging my Intralipid infusion and hopefully will get that done this week sometime or early next week per Dr. B's instructions. Other than that things are looking good! Just gotta make it 10 more days and then I'll be PUPO! Hopefully! I cannot wait!

Update 7/31/12:
2 more days!!! We leave for Atlanta tomorrow!!!! I am SOOO excited!!! Uber nervous of course, too, but trying to focus on the hope and excitement b/c those are much more positive emotions than anxiety and nervousness!! I'll update again soon!!!

Update 8/15/12:
So I guess I've been too down in the dumps to update... but I had my FET on August 2nd and everything went as perfectly as it could. 7 days later I got a super duper faint positive home pregnancy test. So the next day (8dp5dt) I went in for a beta HCG and it was 7... so not a great number. Had a repeat test on Monday and it was 2. So it was a chemical pregnancy. So sad. We are just moving forward now (again). Maybe doing a natural FET next since it's the only thing we haven't tried. Have a consult with Dr. B on Aug 31st to see if he has any new ideas to check why I'm still losing babies. I guess I'll update once I know something new. Just waiting for AF to start so we can move on.

2nd ER Cycle

5/23 (DOC 5)
Well, on Saturday May 19th we began our 2nd egg retrieval cycle (with a planned freeze). I will skip all the drama that started the cycle and just move on to the important stuff!

Today is cycle day 5 (only had 3 stims so far though) and I had my first ultrasound. A 35mm cyst on my right ovary that we found on DOC 1 was magically gone!!! I'm not sure how that happened, but it is truly a miracle! So far there were 17 little follicles blossoming between the 2 ovaries! So all good news! My next appointment is Friday IN Atlanta so I leave tomorrow! I am SO nervous about leaving DH and my son but they are joining me Saturday afternoon so I won't be alone for too long! Whew! I would go crazy with a week alone in this miserable stimulated condition!!!

I'll try to keep all my updates here so it'll be one long blog post instead of 10 short ones!

Update: 5/25
Today's appointment went well! I have 18 follicles today & my estradiol was 1118. This is such a pleasant change from my last cycle where I was blossoming new follicles every day (ending up with 49!) and my estradiol got over 5000! Although I must admit I'm nervous that with fewer eggs my chances of getting healthy girls might be lower. But I'm not going to think that way! I'm going to tell myself that since I have fewer, and have been taking supplements & Metformin they're all going to be great quality! And hopefully at least 2 will be girls... please oh please!

Update 5/27
Well yesterday my folly count was 26 and my E2 was 2090. Today it is 31 follicles and E2 is 3414. And it looks like today is the trigger day! Bumping everything up a day! Yay! I am taking my HCG trigger tonight at 9:30pm and my ER will be Tuesday at 9:30am! Really moving right along now! SO ready to be done with this ER cycle!!! Wishing and Hoping and Praying for some normal XXs!!!

Update 5/27 PM
Just gave my HCG trigger shot!!! Was VERY nervous about using a 1.5" needle (did all my PIO injections with a 1" needle), but we used a frozen pancake to numb the site (best we could come up with) and it was easy peasy! Whew! 1 step closer to getting this cycle OVER with!!! So ready to move towards being pregnant again! Still wishing and hoping and praying for some normal XXs!!!

Update 5/29
Today is the BIG day! At 9:30am I should be "out cold" getting my eggs retrieved! I am nervous and excited all at the same time! I just hope and pray that we get a good number of healthy eggs. And of course that they go on to become aCGH normal females... I'll update later. =)

Update 5/31
Well the big day has come and gone! On 5/29 we had 34 eggs retrieved! Out of those 34, 20 were mature, and then apparently 3 more matured so a total of 23 were ICSI'd. Then on 5/30 we had a grand total of 19 embryos growing!!! So now it is a waiting game! We get our next update on Monday about how many made it to day 5 (blastocyst) for aCGH at Genesis. Hopefully we have a good number go to PGD and hopefully we have a lucky gender split! Only time will tell I guess! FX for some good results over the next few weeks! I'll update again when I know more!

Update 6/4
Today I got the news that 16 of my embryos made it to blastocyst stage and thus were biopsied and frozen! I am very excited about that number!!! I was hoping for 15, but 1 extra is even better! Now it is probably another week long waiting game until I get the PGD report from Genesis about how many normal girls we have. So we are continuing to pray for good news! Will update once I get the report!

Update 6/20
Not sure how I forgot to post on here! Oops! I had a grand total of 5 healthy female embryos after aCGH testing!!! Hurray!!! We also had 2 healthy boys that were frozen. Whew! It was SUCH a relief to hear that we made some females finally! Now here's hoping one of those lovely ladies will be my future daughter!!!

Starting Over...

So I just received the HORRIBLE news that out of our 17 frozen eggs that were thawed, fertilized, and biopsied with aCGH at Genesis... we had 3 healthy BOYS. No girls.

So we are really and truly starting over again. Not just with another FET but with the WHOLE embryo retrieval process.

Can't I ever just get ONE shred of good news? Can't ANYTHING ever go my way? Why does the universe not want me to have a daughter? Why can't my husband produce any healthy females? Why does my body KILL the only one we ever got to stick in my uterus? WHY?

I am pissed beyond words. Frustrated. Angry. Sad. Depressed. Resentful. Miserable. F***ING MISERABLE...

Grief

So I absolutely haven't been handling my grief very well lately. I am SO angry and it seems to be escaping around all of the people that I love the most. Most importantly, I keep lashing out at my poor husband. He has been so patient with me and I know that he must be grieving, too, but he is keeping it together much better than I am. It it breaking my heart. Well, correction, my heart is already in a million pieces. I don't know how to put it back together again. I cry all of the time. I want my baby girl back SOOO badly. I do not know how people move on from these kinds of losses. The only time of day that I am able to be semi-happy is when I'm with my beautiful son. He is the light of my life in this dark & dreary time. I am SO blessed to have him. So blessed that he "made the cut" and survived to be my living, breathing, beautiful child. It almost makes my gender desire go away. But now I've invested too much time, too much money, and too much emotionally to walk away. And I still want a daughter. But at what cost? I'm not sure...

I hope you enjoy the new playlist I added to my blog. The songs are all dedicated to my angel baby.