Again...

I know I just posted this last time, but here goes again...

ANOTHER friend just announced today that she is expecting a girl. Many of the people I know that are currently pregnant are basically "Facebook Friends", so it hurts to see all the girl babies, but they don't hit that close to home... however... the friend I found out about today really struck a nerve. We are friends IRL and I REALLY wanted her to have a boy so I could have someone to share boy stories with and boy clothes with and just gush about boys with. She did not care about the gender (I would never purposefully wish GD upon anyone), and I really thought that she was going to have a boy.

Thank goodness my sister has a boy, b/c otherwise I would have ZERO friends with boys. ALL of my friends have girls.

Makes me relive the GD I experienced when I heard the words "It's a boy" at my own ultrasound. I just sat there today for an hour crying and grieving over the fact that everyone else in my world gets to have exactly what I want but not me.

And there has been SO much bad news on the GS boards I follow. So many BFNs going around. I know my young age is in my favor with IVF, but it is SUCH a luck-of-the-draw situation. I could spend $60,000 and STILL not have a baby girl to show for it.

It also just makes me sad that I even have these feelings at all. I saw the FB announcement of her baby girl while I was breastfeeding my son and even though I was looking into his beautiful, sweet, nursing face all I could think about is how sad I am that I don't have a baby girl and I literally started crying while he nursed. How pathetic am I? It breaks my heart. I do not want him to EVER know that I wanted a baby girl. He is such a blessing and I am so lucky to have him as my son. He deserves to be treasured and loved whole-heartedly and I think I am doing a good job of it.

I swear, if I have to go to ONE more ALL-PINK baby shower I am going to go insane!!!! I want my own pink baby shower!!!!!! I am such a girly-girl!! I want pink! And fairies, and unicorns, and princesses, and flowers, and cupcakes!!! It's days like today that make my February start-date seem like FOREVER away!!! But I am trying to be patient and just enjoy my time with my DS. His birthday is next month and until this stupid announcement that has been occupying most of my time. I guess I'll just keep my mind busy and stop thinking about my hopefully-future-baby-girl...