Introductions

Every fairy tale starts like this and I want a "happily ever after" so lets get started!!!

Once upon a time...

there lived a little girl named Dee. She was a girly girl growing up. Always wearing pink. A cheerleader in high school. Ribbons & bows, dresses & shoes crowding her closet. Always playing with barbies and baby dolls. Dreaming of sharing all of her girly passions with her own little girl one day.

Well that little girl is all grown up and I am her. Every time I imagined having children I imagined I would have a household full of girls! Coming from generations of all-girl families I figured it was a given.

In the fall of 2009 I discovered I was pregnant with my first baby!!! I was sooo excited! It was finally going to be the moment in my life where I would meet my first daughter.

In the winter of 2009 I went in for my gender scan ultrasound. At that appointment I heard something I was not ready for, "You're having a boy!!!"

It was at that moment I truly understood what the term "gender disappointment" means. I had hoped (even though I always knew I desired a girl) that as long as the baby was healthy I would be happy no matter what the gender was. However I experienced extreme sadness and depression after finding out I was expecting a son. I did not get to buy the pink dresses or ruffle butt bloomers. I could not buy the giant flower headbands or pink knit hats. I would not have a pink themed nursery. Nothing I had envisioned and been excited about was going to come true. Everyone told me that once I held my son and saw his sweet face that I would fall instantly in love. But I had my doubts. If I was that sad during my pregnancy, how would I fall in love as everyone said?

But in the summer of 2010 when my son was born they were all proved right. I held him, looked into his face, patted his soft, fuzzy head, nursed him, and knew that I was in love and would do anything for him. He is my little prince that I never knew I always wanted.

However, loving my son with all my heart does not change the fact that I still desire to have a daughter. I would never love a daughter more than my son (in fact, just like most new moms would say, I have no idea how I could ever love another baby as much as I love my son), but I still yearn for all the girly things and womanly bonds that only exist between mother and daughter. My mother-to-son bond is special, and something I absolutely treasure and would never change.

Many people might say that I am heartless or cruel for having my feelings, but one cannot help the way they feel and I am not alone. Gender disappointment affects many women and of all different situations. It can affect a first time mom having the opposite gender as desired (me), or it can happen to a mom having her 6th baby of the same gender.

Whatever your situation, people feel the way that they feel and cruel judgment is unhelpful and if you have never experienced GD (gender disappointment) you may never understand. I hope you never have to go through it. It makes you feel very ashamed, very confused, and very depressed. Something I would not wish upon my worst enemy.

Due to the sensitive nature of this topic I have decided to keep this blog anonymous and all names and birthdays have been changed to protect the privacy of anyone I mention.

So on to the purpose of this blog...

My husband (the most supportive and understanding man I know- lets call him Jay) and I have decided to go "high tech" and attempt to use In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) to attain our dream of a daughter to complete our family. We decided a long time ago that we only wanted 2 children and in order to guarantee the next one is a girl IVF is really the only option.

I am VERY aware that IVF is not always successful. I'm assuming that even with my young (25y) age and previous fertility (we conceived our son on the first try) I still probably only have a 50% chance that this will work.

However, we have decided to be optimistic and go for it anyways. I would rather fail and say that we gave it our best shot than always wonder "what if" we had tried IVF.

So, I hope that if you are interested in having IVF for GS (gender selection) you find my blog helpful! I am learning new things about this process everyday and plan to share anything that I learn. Thank you for witholding negative comments.