We booked our first consultation! Dr. T at RBA on July 29th!!! It's only a 6 hr drive so we're gonna go meet him in person so we can also get a look at the clinic and the area. I know it is 2 months away but I am soooo excited! It's the first step in something I've been excited about for months now!!!
I am not sure how long it takes to get in for a consult at the other 2 places I'm interested in, so I might need to call them soon, too!! I'm just trying to wait until July to move along bc I do not want to rush Jay and overwhelm him. I know he is super nervous about this process so I am trying to respect his opinions. Plus I want to wait until DS's birthday is over bc there is soooo much on my plate with finishing up this party!!! It's going to be awesome!!!
Anyway, it might seem tiny and insignificant to some, but having a consultation on the books means a huge deal to me!!! Soooo excited!!!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
First Consultation Booked!!!!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Might Move Up Start Date
So we had picked February 2012 as our "start date" for IVF simply based on due dates (I do not want another summer due date-- would love a late fall/early winter due date) and DS's age (we wanted him to be around 2 1/2 when DD is born). However, now that we are starting to plan our IVF cycle in more detail, we were thinking about a good time for Jay to take time off from work.
He works for a university, so he gets 2 weeks off between Christmas and New Years-- perfect time for us to cycle IF (key word IF) the IVF clinic we choose works through holidays. Wouldn't it be horrible luck if I need to have an ER (Embryo Retrieval) or ET (Embryo Transfer) on New Year's Eve and nobody was there to perform it!!! So if they work (and I'm not talking ON Christmas or New Years-- although having someone on-call at that time would be pretty mandatory I think) during these 2 weeks then that would be our BEST time to cycle for Jay to be able to come with me.
If that does not work for the IVF clinic, we might have to wait until March to cycle (or if that cycle fails we might have to wait until March for cycle #2). Jay doesn't get spring break off, but he could more easily take time off. And then if that cycle fails, we would probably have to wait until May (another time that is easy to take off since university students have a break between spring classes and summer classes).
So tentatively, as of today (it changes so often), we are planning it out this way:
Cycle #1: December
Cycle #2: March
Cycle #3: May
I think we have set a maximum to 3 cycles (for monetary reasons), so if these all fail, then I guess it's back to the natural bump-and-grind and cross your fingers for a girl. Yikes! But I don't want to think about that just yet.
As for the IVF clinic we are going to chose I am starting to narrow down my list. I called RBA in Atlanta and tried to schedule a consult with Dr. Toledo in July, but they are only booking June right now, so I am supposed to call back in June to schedule a July consultation. I am also planning to consult with Dr. Potter at HRC in California, but it would make our co$t$ go way up to travel so far. I would LOVE to use him as I feel he might be the best in the business, but money might restrict that. I MIGHT also consult with a local RE in town that performs IVF for GS, but I am not sure I would feel comfortable putting so much trust in a RE I know nothing about and haven't heard any success (or failure) stories from ladies on GenderDreaming.com. So for now those are the 3 I am going to schedule consults with. Might schedule more if I do not like any of these 3, so we shall see.
If are do start in December, that bumps up our 6 month countdown to June!!! Basically 2 weeks!!! I was always planning to start consultations 6 months from our expected start date, but for some reason June seems too soon to start consults, so I am working on scheduling them for July.
Well, those are all the updates for now!!! I can't believe we MIGHT be bumping up our start date by 2 months!!! This really gets me excited!!! I hope it works out!!!
He works for a university, so he gets 2 weeks off between Christmas and New Years-- perfect time for us to cycle IF (key word IF) the IVF clinic we choose works through holidays. Wouldn't it be horrible luck if I need to have an ER (Embryo Retrieval) or ET (Embryo Transfer) on New Year's Eve and nobody was there to perform it!!! So if they work (and I'm not talking ON Christmas or New Years-- although having someone on-call at that time would be pretty mandatory I think) during these 2 weeks then that would be our BEST time to cycle for Jay to be able to come with me.
If that does not work for the IVF clinic, we might have to wait until March to cycle (or if that cycle fails we might have to wait until March for cycle #2). Jay doesn't get spring break off, but he could more easily take time off. And then if that cycle fails, we would probably have to wait until May (another time that is easy to take off since university students have a break between spring classes and summer classes).
So tentatively, as of today (it changes so often), we are planning it out this way:
Cycle #1: December
Cycle #2: March
Cycle #3: May
I think we have set a maximum to 3 cycles (for monetary reasons), so if these all fail, then I guess it's back to the natural bump-and-grind and cross your fingers for a girl. Yikes! But I don't want to think about that just yet.
As for the IVF clinic we are going to chose I am starting to narrow down my list. I called RBA in Atlanta and tried to schedule a consult with Dr. Toledo in July, but they are only booking June right now, so I am supposed to call back in June to schedule a July consultation. I am also planning to consult with Dr. Potter at HRC in California, but it would make our co$t$ go way up to travel so far. I would LOVE to use him as I feel he might be the best in the business, but money might restrict that. I MIGHT also consult with a local RE in town that performs IVF for GS, but I am not sure I would feel comfortable putting so much trust in a RE I know nothing about and haven't heard any success (or failure) stories from ladies on GenderDreaming.com. So for now those are the 3 I am going to schedule consults with. Might schedule more if I do not like any of these 3, so we shall see.
If are do start in December, that bumps up our 6 month countdown to June!!! Basically 2 weeks!!! I was always planning to start consultations 6 months from our expected start date, but for some reason June seems too soon to start consults, so I am working on scheduling them for July.
Well, those are all the updates for now!!! I can't believe we MIGHT be bumping up our start date by 2 months!!! This really gets me excited!!! I hope it works out!!!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Dream
I guess all of the drama yesterday with finding out my friend is having a girl was fresh on my mind last night b/c it leaked over into my dream state and I had a wonderful dream!!!
I dreamed that I was pregnant with twin girls!!! I even got to have them in my dream and see their tiny faces!!! They were freaky looking but it was just a dream and of course my subconscious has no idea what my baby girl(s) will look like! I remember being scared about having twins, but happy to finally have my baby girl(s!!!)
I remember in my dream being excited about the girls but confused b/c I only had one embryo transfered. HA! Even in my dreams I know what I want to do in the future. And the weirdest part was that they were not identical-- so they were 2 different babies. That is practically impossible with a SET! Maybe if they were identical it would have meant that the one egg I transfered split in the process, but I remember definitely that they were not identical b/c they looked different and I even questioned the "HOW" in my dream. lol
Anyhoo... it was just nice to live in a world for even a second that I was euphoric... Had my beautiful son and 2 beautiful baby girls... Awww.... if only...
I dreamed that I was pregnant with twin girls!!! I even got to have them in my dream and see their tiny faces!!! They were freaky looking but it was just a dream and of course my subconscious has no idea what my baby girl(s) will look like! I remember being scared about having twins, but happy to finally have my baby girl(s!!!)
I remember in my dream being excited about the girls but confused b/c I only had one embryo transfered. HA! Even in my dreams I know what I want to do in the future. And the weirdest part was that they were not identical-- so they were 2 different babies. That is practically impossible with a SET! Maybe if they were identical it would have meant that the one egg I transfered split in the process, but I remember definitely that they were not identical b/c they looked different and I even questioned the "HOW" in my dream. lol
Anyhoo... it was just nice to live in a world for even a second that I was euphoric... Had my beautiful son and 2 beautiful baby girls... Awww.... if only...
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Again...
I know I just posted this last time, but here goes again...
ANOTHER friend just announced today that she is expecting a girl. Many of the people I know that are currently pregnant are basically "Facebook Friends", so it hurts to see all the girl babies, but they don't hit that close to home... however... the friend I found out about today really struck a nerve. We are friends IRL and I REALLY wanted her to have a boy so I could have someone to share boy stories with and boy clothes with and just gush about boys with. She did not care about the gender (I would never purposefully wish GD upon anyone), and I really thought that she was going to have a boy.
Thank goodness my sister has a boy, b/c otherwise I would have ZERO friends with boys. ALL of my friends have girls.
Makes me relive the GD I experienced when I heard the words "It's a boy" at my own ultrasound. I just sat there today for an hour crying and grieving over the fact that everyone else in my world gets to have exactly what I want but not me.
And there has been SO much bad news on the GS boards I follow. So many BFNs going around. I know my young age is in my favor with IVF, but it is SUCH a luck-of-the-draw situation. I could spend $60,000 and STILL not have a baby girl to show for it.
It also just makes me sad that I even have these feelings at all. I saw the FB announcement of her baby girl while I was breastfeeding my son and even though I was looking into his beautiful, sweet, nursing face all I could think about is how sad I am that I don't have a baby girl and I literally started crying while he nursed. How pathetic am I? It breaks my heart. I do not want him to EVER know that I wanted a baby girl. He is such a blessing and I am so lucky to have him as my son. He deserves to be treasured and loved whole-heartedly and I think I am doing a good job of it.
I swear, if I have to go to ONE more ALL-PINK baby shower I am going to go insane!!!! I want my own pink baby shower!!!!!! I am such a girly-girl!! I want pink! And fairies, and unicorns, and princesses, and flowers, and cupcakes!!! It's days like today that make my February start-date seem like FOREVER away!!! But I am trying to be patient and just enjoy my time with my DS. His birthday is next month and until this stupid announcement that has been occupying most of my time. I guess I'll just keep my mind busy and stop thinking about my hopefully-future-baby-girl...
ANOTHER friend just announced today that she is expecting a girl. Many of the people I know that are currently pregnant are basically "Facebook Friends", so it hurts to see all the girl babies, but they don't hit that close to home... however... the friend I found out about today really struck a nerve. We are friends IRL and I REALLY wanted her to have a boy so I could have someone to share boy stories with and boy clothes with and just gush about boys with. She did not care about the gender (I would never purposefully wish GD upon anyone), and I really thought that she was going to have a boy.
Thank goodness my sister has a boy, b/c otherwise I would have ZERO friends with boys. ALL of my friends have girls.
Makes me relive the GD I experienced when I heard the words "It's a boy" at my own ultrasound. I just sat there today for an hour crying and grieving over the fact that everyone else in my world gets to have exactly what I want but not me.
And there has been SO much bad news on the GS boards I follow. So many BFNs going around. I know my young age is in my favor with IVF, but it is SUCH a luck-of-the-draw situation. I could spend $60,000 and STILL not have a baby girl to show for it.
It also just makes me sad that I even have these feelings at all. I saw the FB announcement of her baby girl while I was breastfeeding my son and even though I was looking into his beautiful, sweet, nursing face all I could think about is how sad I am that I don't have a baby girl and I literally started crying while he nursed. How pathetic am I? It breaks my heart. I do not want him to EVER know that I wanted a baby girl. He is such a blessing and I am so lucky to have him as my son. He deserves to be treasured and loved whole-heartedly and I think I am doing a good job of it.
I swear, if I have to go to ONE more ALL-PINK baby shower I am going to go insane!!!! I want my own pink baby shower!!!!!! I am such a girly-girl!! I want pink! And fairies, and unicorns, and princesses, and flowers, and cupcakes!!! It's days like today that make my February start-date seem like FOREVER away!!! But I am trying to be patient and just enjoy my time with my DS. His birthday is next month and until this stupid announcement that has been occupying most of my time. I guess I'll just keep my mind busy and stop thinking about my hopefully-future-baby-girl...
Friday, May 6, 2011
Girls, Girls, Everywhere!!!!
Sooo... I swear, everyone I know is having girls!!! I keep reminding myself that it WILL be my turn soon, but I can't help the pang of jealousy I feel every time I see ANOTHER friend announce they are expecting a girl. 3 more friends made their pink announcements this week. I am happy for them and would never wish GD on anyone else (not sure if they even had a gender preference or not), but I can't help but feel jealous every time I see "It's A Girl" on someone else's page.
I cannot wait until it is my turn to tell friends and family, "It's a Girl!". Hmm, let's ASSUME my GS IVF takes on the first try in February (wishful thinking)... I will be announcing my pink bundle of joy after my 18 week ultrasound... so... that would mean that sometime in ~June 2012~ I will be getting to tell people that I'm expecting a girl!!!
*sigh*... I love wishful thinking...
I cannot wait until it is my turn to tell friends and family, "It's a Girl!". Hmm, let's ASSUME my GS IVF takes on the first try in February (wishful thinking)... I will be announcing my pink bundle of joy after my 18 week ultrasound... so... that would mean that sometime in ~June 2012~ I will be getting to tell people that I'm expecting a girl!!!
*sigh*... I love wishful thinking...
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Abbreviations & Explanations
I am going to keep a list (and update as necessary) to explain any abbreviations or non-self-explanatory terms.
DH: Darling Husband
DS: Darling Son. My beautiful angel and the love of my life.
Dee: Me!
Embryo: A fertilized egg
ER: Embryo Retrieval
ET: Embryo Transfer
FET: Frozen Embryo Transfer. If we are lucky enough to have more than one healthy female embryo we will freeze it (them) and if our first cycle fails we will have a FET.
FSH: Follicle Stimulating Hormone
GSN: Gene Security Network. A specific company that uses PGD to test ALL 24 chromosomes to detect any and all abnormalities that might be missed on a test that only screens a smaller number of chromosomes.
IVF: In Vitro Fertilization. My egg is fertilized outside of my body and returned to my uterus after testing is performed.
Jay: DH (Darling Husband)
LH: Luteinizing Hormone
PGD: Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis. Embryo testing for genetic abnormalities. 1 cell is removed from an embryo (without harming the embryo) and sent to test genetic material for abnormalities.
POAS: Pee on a stick. Like for pregnancy or ovulation tests.
SET: Single Embryo Transfer. Only one egg is returned to my uterus at a time.
SHG: Sonohysterogram
DH: Darling Husband
DS: Darling Son. My beautiful angel and the love of my life.
Dee: Me!
Embryo: A fertilized egg
ER: Embryo Retrieval
ET: Embryo Transfer
FET: Frozen Embryo Transfer. If we are lucky enough to have more than one healthy female embryo we will freeze it (them) and if our first cycle fails we will have a FET.
FSH: Follicle Stimulating Hormone
GSN: Gene Security Network. A specific company that uses PGD to test ALL 24 chromosomes to detect any and all abnormalities that might be missed on a test that only screens a smaller number of chromosomes.
IVF: In Vitro Fertilization. My egg is fertilized outside of my body and returned to my uterus after testing is performed.
Jay: DH (Darling Husband)
LH: Luteinizing Hormone
PGD: Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis. Embryo testing for genetic abnormalities. 1 cell is removed from an embryo (without harming the embryo) and sent to test genetic material for abnormalities.
POAS: Pee on a stick. Like for pregnancy or ovulation tests.
SET: Single Embryo Transfer. Only one egg is returned to my uterus at a time.
SHG: Sonohysterogram
Planning
Our current plan is to start our 1st IVF cycle in February of 2012. That is exactly 9 months away from right now and I'm sure the time will go quickly as it already has since DS (Darling Son) was born. I am still breastfeeding DS and plan to wean him this summer after his first birthday. I have contacted a few IVF clinics and know that most of them require that I have at least 3 normal menstrual cycles after weaning before they will start IVF (I have not even had ONE period since DS was born). Since I will have weaned by this summer, I am sure that will leave plenty of time for my body to adjust back to normal fertility cycles before February.
One doctor I talked with said that I should begin consultations about 6 months before my expected IVF cycle. So in my case, I plan to start scheduling consults around August. I have not decided which doctors I am going to consult with, but I have a few in mind (See list below).
My husband and I feel strongly that we would not like to have twins (of course if fate see fit to give us twins we would welcome them lovingly, but we are not going to TRY to have twins). Which means we will have a SET (Single Embryo Transfer-- 1 egg placed in the uterus at a time). In order to increase our chances that our SET will be a success, we have done research and feel like GSN is our best bet (Gene Security Network-- tests more of the DNA of the embryo to find the healthiest egg which will be the most likely to result in a healthy baby). Of course GSN will also let us know which embryos (eggs) are boys and which are girls. If we are lucky, we will have more than one healthy girl egg and we can freeze them for future FET's (Frozen Embryo Transfers) if our first cycle fails. However, I am optimistic and crossing my fingers to be one of the lucky few OHW's (one hit wonders)
Our list of clinics we are interested in.
One doctor I talked with said that I should begin consultations about 6 months before my expected IVF cycle. So in my case, I plan to start scheduling consults around August. I have not decided which doctors I am going to consult with, but I have a few in mind (See list below).
My husband and I feel strongly that we would not like to have twins (of course if fate see fit to give us twins we would welcome them lovingly, but we are not going to TRY to have twins). Which means we will have a SET (Single Embryo Transfer-- 1 egg placed in the uterus at a time). In order to increase our chances that our SET will be a success, we have done research and feel like GSN is our best bet (Gene Security Network-- tests more of the DNA of the embryo to find the healthiest egg which will be the most likely to result in a healthy baby). Of course GSN will also let us know which embryos (eggs) are boys and which are girls. If we are lucky, we will have more than one healthy girl egg and we can freeze them for future FET's (Frozen Embryo Transfers) if our first cycle fails. However, I am optimistic and crossing my fingers to be one of the lucky few OHW's (one hit wonders)
Our list of clinics we are interested in.
- Dr. Potter with HRC
- He is very well-known and respected amongst the GD community.
- Works with GSN
- Dr. Shaykh with AFP in Northeast Florida
- Very close to where I live
- Works with GSN
- Dr. Denker with Palm Beach Fertility Center
- Reasonably close to where I live and have heard success stories from GD community.
- Works with GSN
- RBA in Atlanta
- Reasonably close and have heard success stories from GD community.
- DOES NOT work with GSN though...
So far this is really as much as I have done. I'm sure this blog will be slow for a few months because February is still 9 months away and things probably won't pick up until it gets closer to D-day.
I am SUPER excited to get the process started, but in the meantime I am just enjoying every minute with my beautiful DS and watching him grow and learn new things every day!!!
Introductions
Every fairy tale starts like this and I want a "happily ever after" so lets get started!!!
Once upon a time...
there lived a little girl named Dee. She was a girly girl growing up. Always wearing pink. A cheerleader in high school. Ribbons & bows, dresses & shoes crowding her closet. Always playing with barbies and baby dolls. Dreaming of sharing all of her girly passions with her own little girl one day.
Well that little girl is all grown up and I am her. Every time I imagined having children I imagined I would have a household full of girls! Coming from generations of all-girl families I figured it was a given.
In the fall of 2009 I discovered I was pregnant with my first baby!!! I was sooo excited! It was finally going to be the moment in my life where I would meet my first daughter.
In the winter of 2009 I went in for my gender scan ultrasound. At that appointment I heard something I was not ready for, "You're having a boy!!!"
It was at that moment I truly understood what the term "gender disappointment" means. I had hoped (even though I always knew I desired a girl) that as long as the baby was healthy I would be happy no matter what the gender was. However I experienced extreme sadness and depression after finding out I was expecting a son. I did not get to buy the pink dresses or ruffle butt bloomers. I could not buy the giant flower headbands or pink knit hats. I would not have a pink themed nursery. Nothing I had envisioned and been excited about was going to come true. Everyone told me that once I held my son and saw his sweet face that I would fall instantly in love. But I had my doubts. If I was that sad during my pregnancy, how would I fall in love as everyone said?
But in the summer of 2010 when my son was born they were all proved right. I held him, looked into his face, patted his soft, fuzzy head, nursed him, and knew that I was in love and would do anything for him. He is my little prince that I never knew I always wanted.
However, loving my son with all my heart does not change the fact that I still desire to have a daughter. I would never love a daughter more than my son (in fact, just like most new moms would say, I have no idea how I could ever love another baby as much as I love my son), but I still yearn for all the girly things and womanly bonds that only exist between mother and daughter. My mother-to-son bond is special, and something I absolutely treasure and would never change.
Many people might say that I am heartless or cruel for having my feelings, but one cannot help the way they feel and I am not alone. Gender disappointment affects many women and of all different situations. It can affect a first time mom having the opposite gender as desired (me), or it can happen to a mom having her 6th baby of the same gender.
Whatever your situation, people feel the way that they feel and cruel judgment is unhelpful and if you have never experienced GD (gender disappointment) you may never understand. I hope you never have to go through it. It makes you feel very ashamed, very confused, and very depressed. Something I would not wish upon my worst enemy.
Due to the sensitive nature of this topic I have decided to keep this blog anonymous and all names and birthdays have been changed to protect the privacy of anyone I mention.
So on to the purpose of this blog...
My husband (the most supportive and understanding man I know- lets call him Jay) and I have decided to go "high tech" and attempt to use In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) to attain our dream of a daughter to complete our family. We decided a long time ago that we only wanted 2 children and in order to guarantee the next one is a girl IVF is really the only option.
I am VERY aware that IVF is not always successful. I'm assuming that even with my young (25y) age and previous fertility (we conceived our son on the first try) I still probably only have a 50% chance that this will work.
However, we have decided to be optimistic and go for it anyways. I would rather fail and say that we gave it our best shot than always wonder "what if" we had tried IVF.
So, I hope that if you are interested in having IVF for GS (gender selection) you find my blog helpful! I am learning new things about this process everyday and plan to share anything that I learn. Thank you for witholding negative comments.
Once upon a time...
there lived a little girl named Dee. She was a girly girl growing up. Always wearing pink. A cheerleader in high school. Ribbons & bows, dresses & shoes crowding her closet. Always playing with barbies and baby dolls. Dreaming of sharing all of her girly passions with her own little girl one day.
Well that little girl is all grown up and I am her. Every time I imagined having children I imagined I would have a household full of girls! Coming from generations of all-girl families I figured it was a given.
In the fall of 2009 I discovered I was pregnant with my first baby!!! I was sooo excited! It was finally going to be the moment in my life where I would meet my first daughter.
In the winter of 2009 I went in for my gender scan ultrasound. At that appointment I heard something I was not ready for, "You're having a boy!!!"
It was at that moment I truly understood what the term "gender disappointment" means. I had hoped (even though I always knew I desired a girl) that as long as the baby was healthy I would be happy no matter what the gender was. However I experienced extreme sadness and depression after finding out I was expecting a son. I did not get to buy the pink dresses or ruffle butt bloomers. I could not buy the giant flower headbands or pink knit hats. I would not have a pink themed nursery. Nothing I had envisioned and been excited about was going to come true. Everyone told me that once I held my son and saw his sweet face that I would fall instantly in love. But I had my doubts. If I was that sad during my pregnancy, how would I fall in love as everyone said?
But in the summer of 2010 when my son was born they were all proved right. I held him, looked into his face, patted his soft, fuzzy head, nursed him, and knew that I was in love and would do anything for him. He is my little prince that I never knew I always wanted.
However, loving my son with all my heart does not change the fact that I still desire to have a daughter. I would never love a daughter more than my son (in fact, just like most new moms would say, I have no idea how I could ever love another baby as much as I love my son), but I still yearn for all the girly things and womanly bonds that only exist between mother and daughter. My mother-to-son bond is special, and something I absolutely treasure and would never change.
Many people might say that I am heartless or cruel for having my feelings, but one cannot help the way they feel and I am not alone. Gender disappointment affects many women and of all different situations. It can affect a first time mom having the opposite gender as desired (me), or it can happen to a mom having her 6th baby of the same gender.
Whatever your situation, people feel the way that they feel and cruel judgment is unhelpful and if you have never experienced GD (gender disappointment) you may never understand. I hope you never have to go through it. It makes you feel very ashamed, very confused, and very depressed. Something I would not wish upon my worst enemy.
Due to the sensitive nature of this topic I have decided to keep this blog anonymous and all names and birthdays have been changed to protect the privacy of anyone I mention.
So on to the purpose of this blog...
My husband (the most supportive and understanding man I know- lets call him Jay) and I have decided to go "high tech" and attempt to use In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) to attain our dream of a daughter to complete our family. We decided a long time ago that we only wanted 2 children and in order to guarantee the next one is a girl IVF is really the only option.
I am VERY aware that IVF is not always successful. I'm assuming that even with my young (25y) age and previous fertility (we conceived our son on the first try) I still probably only have a 50% chance that this will work.
However, we have decided to be optimistic and go for it anyways. I would rather fail and say that we gave it our best shot than always wonder "what if" we had tried IVF.
So, I hope that if you are interested in having IVF for GS (gender selection) you find my blog helpful! I am learning new things about this process everyday and plan to share anything that I learn. Thank you for witholding negative comments.
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