Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Chemical Pregnancy

Well, unfortunately, the title says it all. As my last post mentioned, I did in fact get pregnant. My first beta was 200, my second beta was over 3000!!!! Then my 3rd beta had only gone up to 5000. My first indication that something was wrong (the numbers should AT LEAST double every 2-3 days and that was 3 days later and hadn't doubled yet). So they had me draw a 4th beta on Monday and my level had dropped to 4000, indicating that I would lose the baby. They got me in for an ultrasound ASAP yesterday and it showed that the embryo had stopped progressing at 5w1d. Pretty much the exact day that my beta showed a sign of distress. I should have been 5w6d but the embryo was not there. And of course, there was no heartbeat. I am still awaiting further instructions from my RE regarding stopping the medications (yes, it is torture to be taking meds knowing that it is pointless), but my u/s was kinda late yesterday and I guess they did not get the report before they went home for the day. Hopefully I'll hear back soon and be allowed to discontinue all my medications so I can "pass" the baby and move on. I'm not exactly sure how long it will be until I am allowed to cycle again. And at this point I don't even have any more frozen healthy girls. We do have 17 frozen EGGS though and DH left a sperm sample that is on ice. So they will have to thaw the eggs, fertilize them, let them grow 5 days, biopsy them, freeze them again, await the biopsy results, then thaw them again for the transfer. Honestly, it seems like too much to ask of such fragile little eggs. I'm not sure what to expect with my next FET. We are considering putting back 2 embryos next time, but neither DH nor I want twins but I guess it might be a risk we are willing to take at this point. I cannot bare much more heartache and disappointment. Two babies would be better than none. I am obviously devastated and grieving. So I will update when I can, but I am going to try to relax and stop thinking about this so much b/c it just breaks my heart over and over again.

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