Grief

So I absolutely haven't been handling my grief very well lately. I am SO angry and it seems to be escaping around all of the people that I love the most. Most importantly, I keep lashing out at my poor husband. He has been so patient with me and I know that he must be grieving, too, but he is keeping it together much better than I am. It it breaking my heart. Well, correction, my heart is already in a million pieces. I don't know how to put it back together again. I cry all of the time. I want my baby girl back SOOO badly. I do not know how people move on from these kinds of losses. The only time of day that I am able to be semi-happy is when I'm with my beautiful son. He is the light of my life in this dark & dreary time. I am SO blessed to have him. So blessed that he "made the cut" and survived to be my living, breathing, beautiful child. It almost makes my gender desire go away. But now I've invested too much time, too much money, and too much emotionally to walk away. And I still want a daughter. But at what cost? I'm not sure...

I hope you enjoy the new playlist I added to my blog. The songs are all dedicated to my angel baby.